SHEENA EASTON, PUNK ROCKER

When I make my first billion (I'll be leveraging Google stock for the next few months; once the IPO wave breaks, I should be deep into nine figures at least by the end of the year), like all nouveau riche billionaire types, I'll buy myself a sports team. I'm thinking maybe the Brooklyn Nets (they're in New Jersey now, but we're talking soon, not now, and of all the New York area teams, I figure that's the one where the owner's going to go bankrupt or to jail first).

Now, here's my plan. I'd move them to Queens. Where? Well, how about Forest Hills? I mean, really. Who uses that tennis stadium there, anyway? Tennis Players? Really. It is to laugh. Besides, the US Open runs in early September, and after that the Nets could totally move in, and we could change the name to...

The New York Ramones.
The uniforms would be all black & white, the in-house music would be the best in sports, and we'd save a ton on stitching the names on the back of the jerseys.

Speaking of which. Try out the Ramones Name Generator. Shockingly, I'm Tony Ramone.